just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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