This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
