good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
