she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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