R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
