quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
