i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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