i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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