you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
