Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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