im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
