this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
