The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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