Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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