i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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