remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
