Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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