i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
