I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
