well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
