went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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