Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
