Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
