ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
