You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
