I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she looked like the before picture.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
