Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
