does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
