47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
