Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
