from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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