singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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