Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
