My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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