Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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