I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
