I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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