i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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