gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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