There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
