one two three fourrrrnication!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
