put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
