He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
