We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I could fuck to npr.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
