You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
