i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
