He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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