enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
