if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
