I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
