she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
