everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
